This new post is one of the most enlightening and
joyful stories I have heard in recent years. Posted 14
Thank you Gregory for sharing your very personal
story of your growing self-awareness and self-empowerment. Let Gregory
tell you the story:
"I rang John one morning recently in a very blue mood
because I had forgotten Wendy's birthday – again!. It had happened so many
times in the past in various situations, and somehow it has kept on
happening year after year.
The remarkable thing was that this year (I was so determined not to
forget this time) that I had spent my lunch hour the previous day
choosing several beautiful gifts, a special card for her birthday and
another card for our 30th wedding anniversary which was the following week
(and which I also usually forget).
I woke up the next morning in total oblivion, the card unsigned, the gifts
un-wrapped and once Wendy realised I had completely forgotten her birthday
the morning was ruined (once again).
That’s when I phoned John.
John and I analysed the preceding few days, and it seemed fate had conspired
against me - we had just had a narcissist as a house guest for a few days, I
had just missed out on a promotion, and Wendy had been awake late into the
night waiting for an overseas birthday call from one of our children.
Nevertheless John said that the significant thing was that the repetitive
pattern was being driven by something within me (not those external events
outside me) He felt that whatever it was, this was a biggie, and suggested
there could be an exiled or disowned character missing from my inner
After a bit more exploring I was able to identify the exiled (disowned)
character as my “Inner Celebrator.” We guessed that he was somewhere out in
the Deep Dark Forest where the exiles live, waiting and hoping for the day
they can return.
The first thing though, was to identify the most probable opposite, a strong
primary very active A type character my "Scheduler/planner "who with the
best of intentions, had exiled the Celebrator. As I thought back about my
childhood there were lots of reasons why “celebrating anniversaries” in my
family was considered egoistic, and disrupted the strict scheduling and
planning in our house. It was made clear to me early on that I should be
grateful for and celebrate having my wonderful parents, not the other way
around. That explained why my Inner Celebrator, at that time, needed to be
exiled by my Scheduler/planner. Suddenly it all made sense.
John first dialogued with my Scheduler/planner and gained his support. He
agreed that there was no need any longer to continue disowning my Inner
Celebrator. With my Inner father, Inner mother and Little Gregory, we went
past the old inner village into the old inner forest and started looking for
my lost Celebrator. He was whooping for joy when he heard us coming!
We brought him back and he took over for the rest of the day. he sent me
(Grown-up Gregory) home complete with roses and gift boxes for the gifts.
With his encouragement I also booked a fancy restaurant for dinner, and made
sure I was home early to welcome Wendy.
The day was saved.
Wendy and I talked about this later and became aware that my Celebrator was
part of the energy of another somewhat disempowered self
(inner self) my Inner Romantic, who has certainly found it hard to operate
under a tightly planned schedule as he always seemed to be expected to do.
He too has now become stronger and more active and more spontaneous.
Since then I have experienced other spin-off benefits that I couldn't have
foreseen. My children are enjoying my (less scheduled and more spontaneous)
company more, I'm more at ease at work, I have set more goals at work and at
home, but I also get more done, and I am less controlling. That tells me
that my Inner Scheduler/Planner is now more balanced, more integrated, can
relax more and can happily share the work with its spontaneous opposites the
Romantic and the Celebrator
I also remembered our wedding anniversary the next week and we celebrated
that too in fine style at a nice hotel, with some jewellery shopping at the
end. My Inner Romantic persuaded my Inner Scheduler/Planner not to even try
to keep a running total of the cost.
The power of the fable imagery to turbo charge the benefits in Voice
Dialogue is amazing.
I give permission for the following to be published on Growing Awareness
Gregory in Kyeemagh
A wonderful story from Ray in
5 March 2008
I consider myself very fortunate to have discovered
your new website.
I knew I have had strong negative beliefs about myself for a
long time, but I did not understand how they started and why they have so
strongly influenced my life. After reading the many great links on the site
that discuss what core beliefs are, where they come from, why we have them,
and why they are not easy to recognize, I feel like I have turned on a light
switch inside of me. It almost seems like fate that I discovered the site; I
really felt like it was talking to me.
I have discovered recently through therapy that I had triggers that caused
me to automatically react when I was exposed to certain people and
circumstances. I did not know yet exactly when this happened and I certainly
did not know why this happened. I can tell you that I frequently did not
like the results. I constantly remember asking myself after the fact:
Why did I say this?
While I am a very gentle person, why did I feel such anger?
Why do I feel so powerless?
Why do other people seem so together and I am a mess?
Why can’t I get people to accept me?
Why do I even care about what this person said or did?
These feelings have caused me to isolate myself my
entire life. After a while when I could not stand feeling so lonely, I would
try again to form new relationships in a new job or in a new club or in a
new city and yet this triggering pattern would keep repeating itself no
matter what I tried to do to feel and act differently. I could never
understand why nothing I tried to do to feel better worked for very long. I
felt like I was destroying my life.
Working through the exercises has really helped me to reflect on past
events, to discover the response patterns I had, and to examine the feelings
I had at the time. I now understand what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I can now clearly see the consistent negative patterns and I have discovered
the core pain I have inside me. At times, this has been a very painful
You can’t help asking yourself, why couldn’t I see what was happening at the
time and why couldn’t I see the damage I was doing to my relationships?
However, as I have started to recover from this examination, I now feel much
better. As I math teacher, I constantly tell my students that you can’t
solve a problem until you know what the problem is. I now really feel like I
know what my problem is, so maybe now I can finally solve it. I now
genuinely believe I am on the road to having a much happier and fulfilling
I will tell you that if you are serious about trying to change, the
worksheets will require you to do real thinking and work and it will not be
easy. They will help you collect and organize your thoughts and you will see
the patterns emerge.
I know that if you try it you will see the rewards too.
5 March 2008
This confirms my permission for the
feedback to be published on the Growing Awareness Series websites